i'll erase this feeling
2004-10-01 at 3:50 p.m.
Holidays have been a bitch. Almost halfway through and I haven’t even studied much. No motivation I guess. On Sunday, during tutor break Johnny came to visit Jenny and Lim followed too. Lim gave me gunbound and I gave him a Chupa Chup in return. When we came back for the 2nd half of tutor, someone chucked a firecracker near our place and it was so loud. It scared everyone because they all jumped. Later Lim told me it was him. The fag.
On Monday, I went to Maroubra beach with the family. The beach condition was so retarded because there was not much waves. Me and my sister went out real far and were just bobbing up and down. Quite gay. We had a little talk with some senior surf instructor too. It was quite interesting because she knew so much about the beach. I was so intrigued by everything I asked my parents if I could take surf lessons next holidays and they said yes, only if I was “good”.
Yesterday, I went shopping at city from 12 until 7:30. Saw Sally, Bianca and Kevin at Lidcombe station and Quang on the way out of Fairfield station. Bought a few tops.
I’ve been so carefree recently. I’ve sort of adopted the attitude of “whatever happens happens” and even if it’s supposed to be bad I would just shrug it off like it was nothing. The downside to this is that it’s leaving me clueless. I don’t know what the other end of the string thinks and feels. It puts me into this circle of frustration which has no exit because I’m sending out all these messages and getting nothing back. Maybe you’ve effing forgotten that I even exist or even the fact that I existed in the first place. Maybe your truths will become effing lies. Why can’t you just turn around and tell it to my face so I can escape from my circle.