spewing the words
2004-10-19 at 10:09 p.m.
I feel like I'm listening to a song in 'repeat' mode but it isn't a song, it's memories. I tell myself repetitively to not fall backwards but to move on but my mind doesn't wat to follow the words that come out of my mouth.
I know it's difficult to take a step forward and even though I have, I know I can't move any further because you've left so many unanswered questions. Maybe it was me who left the stones unturned and maybe I closed the door to quickly but maybe it's too late to open it up again and make ends meet.
I thought I could pick up the pieces easily when you left but instead it's left me so broken that I don't know how I'll mend. I thought that I would be better off without you beside me and the chain reaction that follows could be easily predicted but it's not.
I'm bound to freeze the next time the thought of you slips into my mind and pages of thoughts will rush by me reminding me of what I had and what I let go of carelessly.
Even though I might be erased from your mind, I will tell you this and wish for the best. I don't expect anything in return. Just for you to know this is enough. I miss you.